I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
