She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
