Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
