Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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