He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
