Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
