I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
