rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
