remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
