apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
