i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
