i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
