nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
