you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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