haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
