Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize