My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
