and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
