What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
