you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you will always have a special place in my vag
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
