I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
