we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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