Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
