someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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