Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
