You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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