i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
