Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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