My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
