sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
