I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if only i could text you this smell
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
