Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
