I'm jealous of your bromance
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
