don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
