doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My feet surprised me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
