I just cut my nipple shaving
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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