There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
