guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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