so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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