operation harelip BJ is a go
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
