does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
BRING THE BAGELS
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
