Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
