im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
