Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
