I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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