you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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