The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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