what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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