She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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