also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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