Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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