he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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