I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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