I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
