im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
