no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
