Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
