ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
