She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
