Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
