wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
