I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i drank out of a bidet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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