I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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