you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
