I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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