those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
