i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i came on her dog
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
