The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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