This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
