My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
